Biggest Ticker In The Universe

Vote on the problems or Vito will kill your family.

GameStop | #365

Not Being Able To Talk to Animals | #363

Google Doodle Dummies | #485

Kid Christmas Pageants | #406

The Death of the Dollar Menu | #69

Inflation | #22

Missed Opportunities | #227

Gamers | #461

Millionaire Socialists | #17

Shitty Self-Checkout Lanes | #370

The National Anthem | #471

Puppets | #515

The Capital Riots | #513

Fake 2D Animation | #402

Pretending We Hate Cancel Culture | #92

Simulation Theory | #151

Canon Cops | #492

The Dunning–Kruger Effect | #302

Subway Performers | #252

Different Races | #473

Hospital Pricing Transparency Non-Compliance | #8

Free Market Haters | #397

Holiday Decorations | #425

Getting Rid of Grease | #387

Parental Wisdom | #468

No Hot Girls in Your Class | #48

The Anti-Plastic Movement | #307

Not Enough Seanies | #499

Holiday Parties | #305

Backseat Googlers | #331

Silver Alerts | #99

Branded Buttons | #449

Columbus Hate | #105

Women's Dating Advice | #234

Side Hustles | #303

OCD Toasters | #400

Free Trials with Credit Card | #160

The Movie Theater Experience | #508

Living in the Ghetto | #218

High People | #293

Macho Weathermen | #429

The War on Whiteface | #407

Filet O'Fish Disrespecters | #424

Too Many Hitler Movies | #491

Fear of Drag | #496

Seasonal Affective Disorder | #310

Protein Shake Clumps Sticking in Your Glass | #335

The Female Dating Strategy Podcast | #198

The Barbie Movie | #460

Pedophile Symbol Conspiracies | #192

"Love Bombing" | #137

The Alt-Tab Death Spiral | #299

Ewok Hate | #412

Pressure to Go on Vacation | #357

Not Enough Hammer Suits in Mario 3 | #255

Drunk Eating | #354

Not Getting Drugs on Halloween | #381

Reparation Retardation | #178

Freeway Protesters | #186

Whiny Waiters | #144

Too Much Pride | #4

3D Technology | #349

Ghost Texts | #304

Getting Stuck Behind Black People in the Drive Thru | #140

Kangaroo Courts | #36

Boring Sports Uniforms | #437

May the 4th | #297

USB Cables | #275

Bread Tacos | #122

Food Going Bad | #155

Restaurants Skimping on the Meat | #269

Pedophiles | #27

The "White Supremacy" Scapegoat | #35

Pharmaceutical Ads | #242

Lack of Congressional Term Limits | #232

Star Wars Reviews | #401

Cover Charges | #253

Student Debt Repayment | #86

Legalizing Weed | #441

Non-Drivers | #204

Forced Christmas Memes | #298

Mobile-Only Websites | #145

Amber Heard Supporters | #172

School Starts Too Early | #56

Sober October | #428

Price of Admission (Rich Kid Nation) | #199

Deadname Drama | #112

Doing All the Work in a Group Project | #224

Fake Neurodivergence | #83

Pedo Jacketing | #279

Picky Parkers | #113

Rough Teeth | #404

Mis-pricing Nostalgia | #336

Jewish Conspiracies | #494

"no" Autocorrect | #398

The "u mad?" Game | #261

Pronoun Resistance | #355

Texas Legal Myths | #342

SSRIs | #159

The Socio-Sexual Hierarchy | #285

Premature E-Trackulation | #334

Land Acknowledgements | #228

Email | #500

Block Babies | #474

Tattle-Tale Journalists | #187

Back in School Nightmares | #388

Asexuality | #350

Hippie Thanksgiving | #414

Plea Deals | #133

Nuclear-phobia | #19

Not Biggest Problem Merch | #422

Edgy Reboots | #32

Forced Diversity in Film | #33

Circumcision Apologists | #65

The Myth of the "Noble Savage" | #30

Corporate Bootlicking | #82

Minimum Wageslaves | #214

Child Support | #143

Rickety Shit | #258

Bible Truthers | #391

Master Erasure | #91

The Government Shutdown Cocktease | #344

Stupid Food Trends | #326

Charity Fraud | #148

Streaming Service Black-Outs | #239

Occupational Stereotypes | #448

Female Comedy Writers | #128

Spilling Shit on Your Keyboard | #287

Charger Not Included | #42

Zoom Exhaustion | #313

Missing McDonald's Breakfast | #394

Tech Switcheroos | #183

Parking Idlers | #67

Space Tourists | #231

Eldercare | #66

Onmibus Spending Bills | #131

Two-Factor Authentication | #93

Evolution | #504

Silencing the User | #79

Satanic Panic | #395

Post Purchase Surveys | #221

Social Malware | #47

Halloweenies | #419

Source Snobs | #306

Going Back to Work | #53

Hitler | #510

Performative Doomsday Metaphors | #341

Starving Artists | #245

Coming out "Queer" | #212

Shotgun Sharts | #372

The Royal "We" | #382

Lame Bad Guys | #111

Fear of a Black Elf | #514

Hate Hoaxes | #141

Going to the Doctor | #241

Swastika Scaries | #201

The Slippery Slope Fallacy Fallacy | #153

Fortnite | #426

Overpriced Breakfasts | #251

Hypocrisy | #267

The Myth of American Gun Violence | #168

The Civil Rights Act | #236

Cash Register Solicitations | #121

The Pledge of Allegiance | #185

Being Afraid to Show Sympathy | #483

Traumatic Brain Injury | #24

Airbnb Cleaning Fees | #68

Celebrity Voice Actors | #114

Bodegas | #411

Theater Kids | #125

No-Knock Raids | #44

Adding T to LGB | #115

Live Action Anime | #94

Conservatives | #51

Mosquitos | #396

Testicular Torsion | #62

Hygiene Truthers | #325

Homophobia | #462

Long Lost Lectures | #179

Pete Townshend | #393

Sustainability | #59

Thoughts and Prayers | #294

Pity Party Poopers | #339

Compelled Speech | #191

Very Special Episodes | #454

Travel Insurance | #193

Mario 2 | #488

Stock Market Morons | #154

Great Government Firewalls | #225

No Flying Cars | #330

Grooming Young Men into a Culture of Simping | #104

Nazis are Too Cool | #418

Women's Tears | #54

Online Naturalists | #383

No Spiderman 4 | #390

Women in Star Wars | #300

Sports-a-phobia | #351

Abandoned Plot Threads | #162

Music Videos Disguised as Movies | #312

Tattle Tales | #9

Fake Libertarians | #257

Philistines | #243

Political Canonizations | #77

Funko Pops | #120

Shitty Slow Motion | #413

Woke Marketing | #1

Animal Abuse | #97

Christmas Truthers | #292

Kids Being Out of School | #271

$1,000 Posters | #469

Virtual Restaurant Brands | #405

Easy Mode Activists | #146

The J6 Commission | #139

Local Businesses | #457

Propagandizing MLK | #116

Airplane Seats | #373

Adam Sessler | #166

"One More Day" | #361

Shitty Shippers | #210

Retail Employees Who Try to be Your Friend | #346

Fear of Negotiating | #244

Child Advocates | #16

Kink Personalities | #256

George Soros District Attorneys | #126

Flip Flops Breaking | #431

Crack | #452

Someone Else Shitting in Your Hotel Room | #319

Media Consolidation | #70

Ratchet Straps | #503

Boob Truthers | #416

Mass Shooter Lotto | #453

Relying on Your Friends | #263

Rent is Too Damn High | #71

Weed Not Living up to the Hype | #233

Anti-Woke Marketing | #364

Political Scientists | #50

Semaglutide / Ozempic | #478

Peladophobia | #389

Excessive Sweating | #181

Fake Fly-Open Shorts | #465

Unconstitutional Virtue Signaling | #328

Marie Curie's Nobel Prize | #270

Black Israelites | #459

Broken Bones | #118

Women Running Education | #20

Train Wrecks | #289

Contouring | #195

Self-Aggrandizing Memorial Tributes | #226

Enslaving Indie Directors | #352

Anti Anti-Israel Boycotts | #356

Seed Oil Disrespecters | #501

The Crypto Collapse | #284

Big Government | #216

Military Suicides | #409

Going to the Dentist | #317

The Unbearable Silence of our Technological Overlords | #90

Fake-Out Sprite | #482

Woke Unions | #103

Lack of Bidets | #58

Seatbelt Alarms | #291

Coins Don't Matter | #280

The Tokenization of Miles Morales | #98

Elliot Page's Topless Pics | #134

Shoulder Nipples | #489

Night Pooping | #502

The Death of Norm MacDonald | #63

Seth Rogen | #11

Trans Athletes | #34

Nude Negotiators | #250

Demographic Dummies | #309

People Pretending to be Offended by Jokes | #158

Too Many Beginner Tutorials | #272

Algorithm Generated Merchandise | #439

Non-Connecting Parking Lots | #46

Fat Brain | #2

Having to Get Out of the Shower to Get Something | #174

The Two-Party System | #43

No Black Toads | #484

Drip Pricing | #249

Right Wing Alt-Tech | #368

Graduation Speeches | #240

Fear of Self-Promotion | #322

Creepy Targeted Ads | #203

Womansplaining | #55

Waiting | #72

Famine | #180

Criminalizing Heterosexuality | #136

Inventing Black Inventors | #106

Uninformed Voters | #167

Robin Erasure | #348

Missing the Return Date on Gifts | #442

Manscapegoating | #379

Dead Celebrity Endorsements | #132

Too Much Bruce Wayne | #470

My Bitch Realtor | #277

Wellness Checks | #129

Comply Guys | #60

Dick and Vito Get No Credit | #282

Tardy Drink Refills | #286

e-Whores | #175

Billionaire Bootlickers | #229

Easy Mode in Video Games | #206

Keyboard Warriors | #169

Manliness Gurus | #107

Making Decisions | #260

Pokemon Card Scalping | #332

Swatting | #73

NFT Haters | #458

The N-Word Defense | #6

Superhero Origin Stories | #320

Toxic Positivity | #182

Phone Format Paste | #374

Big Shits That Tear Up your Asshole | #89

Losing Shit | #205

"Disinformation" | #5

The IRS | #25

Intellectual Property Laws | #314

Trivial Cheating | #386

Unnecessary Safety Warnings | #246

Height Discrimination | #235

VR Chat | #427

Italian Face | #493

Sticky Re-sealable Deli Meat Bags | #318

The De-Sexification of Media | #100

Smoking is Too Cool | #367

Epstein Blue Balls | #217

Nuclear War | #78

Awareness | #230

Artificial Scarcity | #177

Seatbelt Laws | #445

Having a Small Penis | #40

Overly Courteous Drivers | #108

Getting Your Order Wrong | #41

Max Gibson | #433

AI Psychology Podcasts | #455

Prison Rape | #28

The Sudden Necessity of Pride Month | #430

Spiderman's Natural Wrist Goo | #64

Inefficient Airplane Boarding | #369

Lack of Bodily Integrity | #142

The American Flag | #497

Pro-Spider Propaganda | #377

Unwarranted Self-Importance | #157

Drug Dummies | #238

Not Enough Hitler Movies | #266

Fake Mobile Game Ads | #135

The Invasion of Ukraine | #472

Red Head Erasure | #130

Deep Fake Consent Malarky | #223

Domain Squatters | #208

Clingy Co-Workers | #274

Blockbuster Nostalgia | #443

Parasocial Relationships | #207

"You Voted For This" | #512

Autism | #170

Politeness Words | #432

Fan Entitlement | #477

Badly Timed Traffic Lights | #215

Nocturia | #163

Indoctrinating Children | #84

Mugshot Envy | #450

No More Comedies | #110

Vito's Twitter Account | #156

The Myth of a Conservative Creative Renaissance | #371

Game Journalists | #119

Having to Use Sunscreen | #324

Payment Processors | #15

Mariah Carey Haters | #480

The Ocean | #476

Culture War Criminals | #384

Changed Passwords Not Saving | #308

Influencer Culture | #184

People Who Don't Use the Turn Lane | #265

Deinstitutionalization | #18

Sobering Up Before You Pass Out | #410

Civil Forfeiture | #76

Installing Console Games | #45

Women Banging Psychopaths | #37

Not Drinking on St. Patrick's Day | #435

The Black/White Test Score Gap | #475

Presidential Turkey Pardons | #197

Holocaust Metaphors | #49

Goth Erasure | #29

Roadside Death Shrines | #283

YouTube Audiences | #338

Knots That Are Tied Too Tight | #173

LARPing PUAs | #321

Short Attention Spans | #101

Community Detachment | #399

The Death of Luke Skywalker | #343

Black History Month is Disorganized | #467

Sour Grapes | #420

Late Rape | #7

Shorter Attention Spans | #127

Transphobia | #434

Loud Music at Bars | #147

Blindness | #117

Elon Musk | #171

Presidential Gas Gripers | #516

Voice Actors Recording at Home | #176

Halftime Shows | #358

Batman Hot Takes | #301

Bad Superhero Origin Stories | #278

Social Media | #96

Getting Band-Aids Wet | #189

"Buy the Dip" | #74

Incest Porn | #315

The Gas Stove Ban | #161

Silverware Scraping on Plates | #479

Bluetooth | #403

Vladimir Putin | #446

Mandatory Evacuation Orders | #345

Ethical Consumption Clowns | #202

The National Debt | #87

Activist Ice Cream | #295

Lack of Good VR Porn | #362

Bryan Singer | #376

Battery Corrosion | #378

YouTube Role Models | #26

Watching a Man Drown | #447

Too Long of Media | #463

Too Many Licenses | #220

Public Urination Laws | #481

The Crushing Realization That This is as Good as it Gets | #366

Not Supporting Black Businesses | #490

Waiters Who Bring The Table An Uneven Amount Of Bread | #392

Pissphobes | #466

Thirst Traps | #273

Suction Cups | #296

Gun Control | #61

False False Flags | #495

Culinary Gatekeepers | #31

Disability Discrimination | #498

Jersey Burning | #436

Finger Pain | #290

True Crime Hysterics | #211

The SEC | #152

People Who Stand Up Right When the Airplane Lands | #340

Laws That Make You Lie | #164

Craigslist Complainers | #268

Regret | #38

Getting Sick During Time Off | #237

Columbine Aftermath | #288

Scientism | #13

The Emperor's New Burn | #188

Creator Accessibility | #380

Bad Jannies | #80

The Olympics | #200

Tip Jar Takeover | #219

Fatwas | #359

The War on Blackface | #10

Shared Universes | #408

People Who Pretend To Not Understand Jokes | #109

The 19th Amendment | #23

Cockteasing | #259

Family Court | #57

The Production Quality of Amateur Porn | #486

Arizona Inflation | #421

Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor | #347

Multiverse Haters | #417

No More Cosby Show | #337

Sensationalism | #311

Waiters Who Don't Write Down Your Order | #88

Refusal to Wear the Hijab | #333

The Windows 10 Search Bar | #123

Fake Straights | #385

Throwing Away Perfectly Good Shit | #149

Snail-in Voting | #196

Washing Your Hands With Long Sleeves | #138

Franchise Crossovers | #353

Cash Bail | #102

French Fries | #511

Initiating the Conversation | #209

The Minimum Wage | #248

Futurama Fans | #507

Anti-Semitism | #505

Finding the Edge on Packing Tape | #194

Pussy Cops | #75

Untraveled Experts | #264

Kink Shaming | #487

The UK Government | #254

Armchair Mechanics | #190

Burger Tribalism | #323

Lack of Sex Tourism | #423

Venue Cancellation | #281

Spoiler Nazis | #375

The Anchoring Effect | #165

The Homeless | #85

Gimmick Twitter Accounts | #327

"The Bonus Hole" | #456

Democracy | #124

Boycotts of the Week | #81

Slow Cancer | #440

The War on Anonymity | #52

Event Wristbands | #415

Unrealistic Expectations | #150

The Cowardice of Women | #39

Extreme Heat Events | #247

Ticketmaster | #262

Cessation Fantasies | #444

Ear Worms | #276

Chinese Aporogies | #3

Discontinued Food Fakeouts | #464

Celebrity Bands | #360

The Twins Losing | #506

Comics Shit | #316

Bad Blood | #438

The Five-Day Work Week | #222

Sleep Deprivation | #95

Fake News | #21

Breast Reduction Surgery | #14

COVID Deniers | #517

Anti-Woke Politicians | #451

Effective Altruism | #213

Sponsored Hate | #329

Kid-Friendly Pride | #12

Data updated every ~4 hours. Deltas reset after each week's episode.
Last updated: 2023-10-07 16:57:00
Made by @queue0 from TDS News and TBPITU